Jokes
by Yuki Terai
Summary: Some of the funny things that happens to the Sanzoikkou... Plus, there's more coming up!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki. Cheers!

The Bet

Goku chuckled. "I've got good cards in my hands now. I'll surely win this time!"

"Hm! Don't be too sure." Sanzo said. Hakkai just laughed.

Sanzo and Hakkai open their cards in a fan and place their bets in the middle of the table. In the meantime, Gojyo came into the room.

"Hey guys!" Gojyo said.

"Gojyo. You're late." Hakkai said.

"Yeah, so we started without you." Goku said looking down at his cards again.

"No problem. I'll get in on the next hand." Gojyo said and looked at Goku's cards. "Whoa!"

"Em? What?" Goku asked.

Gojyo cupped his mouth with one hand and whispered to Goku, "You're keeping those two cards, right?"

Goku looked at his cards. "--I dunno. I--"

"He'll take three cards." Gojyo said and pointed at Hakkai.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure. Trust me." Gojyo whispered. "NOW BET! BET EVERYTHING! RAISE! RAISE!" he shouted.

Goku obidiently raise all his money. Hakkai and Sanzo stared at Goku wide eyed.

"I didn't know that you knew so much about poker, Gojyo." Goku said.

"Poker? Oh- Is that what you guys are playing?"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Camera

Gojyo finally finished patching the hole in the roof and was climbing down the ladder when suddenly his 'antennas' got stuck in the rain gutter.

"Oh, darn!" Gojyo cursed and tried to untangle it. But the more he tried, the worse it became. "Goku! Go get help! I'm stuck!"

Goku who was watching Gojyo from below nodded and quickly ran into the house for help. Hakkai was sitting on the sofa reading the newspaper.

"Hakkai! Gojyo needs you to help him." Goku said, tugging at Hakkai's sleeve.

"Why... What's wrong?" Hakkai said, lowering his newspaper.

"He was patching the hole on the roof and..."

"Oh, dear. He didn't fall off, did he?" Hakkai said with a gasp.

"No. He got his gokiburi antennas caught in the rain gutter."

Hakkai got up. "Oh, my. I'd better hurry!"

"Hakkai, you're going the wrong way! Gojyo's **this** way!" Goku said, pointing.

"I know. I have to get something first."

"Eh? What do you have to get?"

"The camera." Hakkai said and snapped a picture of Gojyo.

"Oi! Hakkai!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Computer Mouse

Goku and Sanzo was out doing their shopping, so it was only Hakkai and Gojyo left in the house. Hakkai was checking his e-mails and Gojyo was in the kitchen making some coffee.

"Something's wrong." Hakkai said, lightly slamming the mouse on the table.

"What's wrong?" Gojyo called from the kitchen.

"Looks like I need a new mouse."

"A new mouse?" Gojyo said, walking out of the kitchen with a jar of coffee and two mugs.

"Yep. This one's broken."

"I dunno you rared a mouse, Hakkai. What's it got to do with the computer anyway?" Gojyo said. "Some coffee?"

"Sure." Hakkai sipped on his coffee. "Gojyo, can you help me get a new mouse?"

"What?! Why me?"

"Well, I kinda like don't have the time. So can you please?"

Gojyo sighed. "Oh, alright."

"Arigatou, Gojyo."

...Half an hour passed...

Gojyo went to the mouse trap he set and found a mouse was trapped.

"Yes!" Gojyo cheered. He took out his handphone and dialled Hakkai's number. "Hakkai, I've already caught the mouse. What now?"


	2. Author's note: Just to inform ya!

Author's note:

"Hi ya'll! I'm the writer of this fic. First, I wanna thank you guys for reading my fic and enjoyed it. Sank you very very muchie, nya!!!

For those of ya'll who want more of these, don't go away, there's more coming up! Just written them, but I don't think it's the right time to put them up yet. But please be patient, nya? Anyway, I hope ya'll will continue reading my fic. There's more! THERE'S MORE!!"

Special thanks to:

1.) Devil-Angel

2.) Massacre-of-Flies

For reading my fic. Domo arigatou gozaimasu! You don't know how much this meant to me.


	3. Jokes 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki. By the way, hope ya'll enjoy my fic!

Fetch!

Sanzo and Goku were taking a walk at the park when they came across a guy who was trying to train his dog.

"Okay, boy" the guy said, waving the stick in front of his dog and threw it far away. "Fetch"

The dog just looked at the stick and turned away as it landed.

The guy smacked his forehead with the palm of his hand. "Why is this dog so stupid." he sighed.

Goku stared for a while, then scratched his head. "I don't get it. If he wanted the stick, why did he throw it away? How stupid."

-

The button

The Sanzo-ikkou ran out of groceries. So it's up to Hakkai and Gojyo to shop for some.

"Ahh..." Gojyo exhaled. "I love the smell of fresh papaya."

"So do I. Unfortunately, that's a sweet potato you're holding." Hakkai said, smiling.

Gojyo gave an "Oh" and put down the sweet potato.

"Did that headache of yours ever go away" Gojyo asked.

"Yes. I took an aspirin and now I feel better." Hakkai said.

"Where did you get that aspirin"

"Oh, I always carry one in my pocket for emergencies."

"Good idea." Gojyo said. "By the way, did you know you're missing a button on your shirt"

Hakkai looked down at his shirt. "Yes. I put it somewhere. Where did I put it..." Hakkai said, rumaging his pocket. "Uh oh."

"What? Did you find it"

"No, but I found an aspirin."

-

The "Senior Citizen Salute"

"Hiya, Ni" Lirin greeted Ni Jien Yi.

"Oh, you're back, Princess Lirin." Ni Jien Yi said. "So how was the scout meeting"

"Great." Lirin said. "We learned how to give the scout salute."

"Really? Well, let's see it."

"You hold your right arm like this and touch you first two fingers to your cap like this." Lirin said and showed Ni.

"Hey! That looks pretty sharp." Ni Jien Yi said. "You're not the only one who knows how to salute. **I** happen to be pretty good at the "Senior Citizen Salute."

"The Senior Citizen Salute" Lirin asked, puzzled.

"Yeah. Would you like to see it"

"Sure"

Ni Jien Yi stood up. "It's easy. You just have to cup your hand over your ear and say "Eh"

-

Wrapping a Present

Christmas is coming, and Hakkai was wrapping the last present with the last scrap of wrapping paper that was left.

"Do you think this would be big enough, Sanzo" Hakkai asked.

"Again you've mistaken me for someone that cares." Sanzo said reading the newspaper.

"Oh, bummer." Hakkai said.

Gojyo came over"What's wrong?'

"I was down to my last scrap of wrapping paper, and I thought I had enough for the last present." Hakkai said. "But there's a strip down the middle that I wasn't quite able to cover up."

"I think I can help." Gojyo said. "Let me see that."

Hakkai handed Gojyo the present.

The wrapping paper was red, so Gojyo took a red permanent pen and coloured the strip.

"There you go. Problem solved" Gojyo said and handed back the present to Hakkai.

"I remember you doing the same thing when you have a hole in your socks."

-

The Refrigerator

"Guys" Hakkai said. "We've ran out of food again."

"What! What do you mean" Gojyo exclaimed. "I just bought a whole lot of groceries just yesterday."

Silence...

"I think I know what happened. It must be **that** pig." Sanzo said, pointing at Goku who was still sleeping on the sofa, salivating.

"Why? I mean- it's not like Goku to eat up everything in the refrigerator. There must be another reason for this."

"I can believe." Gojyo said. "That baka saru eats anything! He once mistaken a candle as a candy cane"

"Our food problem comes from Goku's fear of darkness." Sanzo said.

"I don't see the connection." Gojyo said after a moments pause.

"His night light burned out."

"So" Hakkai and Gojyo said.

"So he have to leave the refrigerator door open."

-

Gojyo's New Job

Gojyo was exhausted after working. So he stopped at a pub for a mug of beer when Goku came in...

"Gojyo! I knew I'll find you here." Goku said. "Hakkai was worried about you, so he asked me to look for you."

"Ah." Gojyo said, not paying attention to Goku.

"You seem a bit edgy this evening, Gojyo. What's bothering you"

"**I'll tell you what's bothering me!**" Gojyo roared. He sighed. "You work hard everyday... sacreficing everything... trying your hardest best to please your boss and all... and what does it get to you"

"Uh..."

"A **big** nothing! **That's what!**" Gojyo said. "Well, I'm **sick** of it! I've **had **it! **No** more work for me! From now on... **I'm through working from sunup to sundown!**"

Silence...

"You're going to get a night job"

-

A/N: Well, that's it for now. More will be coming soon. And sank you to ya'll who read and review my fic! Hope ya'll keep reading-


	4. More Jokes!

Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki or any of these characters. - Enjoy!

CAUTION!

"Goku," Hakkai said. "How did you get that bump on your head?"

Goku didn't answer.

"Sanzo?"

Sanzo raised his newspaper higher as if saying "Don't look at me".

"Some pork buns?" Hakkai said.

"Erm... Well," Goku said. "It's like this..."

...Yesterday...

Last night, Goku and Gojyo were at the pub. (Hakkai sent Goku to look for Gojyo) Gojyo paid for the mugs of beer he ordered and went out of the pub. Just then, Goku spotted a sign board hung on the door so he went closer to read it.

...Now...

"And what did the sign said?" Hakkai asked.

...Yesterday...

Goku tip-toed and read it. "Hmm... C-cau...tion. Do-or... swi-ings... OUT!"

Fishing with a Mirror?

Hakkai was taking his morning walk at the park when he saw a fisherman standing in a lake with a mirror.

"Excuse me," Hakkai said. "could you tell me what are you doing?"

"I'm fishing." the fisherman replied.

"With a mirror?"

"Sure. It's a new invention. I'm going to make a fortune."

"Could you tell me how it works?" Hakkai asked after a moments pause.

"Okay, but it'll cost you five thousand yen."

Hakkai was **so** curious that he handed the fisherman the money without hesitation. "Now show me how it works." he said.

"Well," the fisher man said. "you aim the mirror into the water, and when a fish goes by, you startle him with rays of light reflected from the mirror. The fish gets confused and then you grab him!"

Hakkai was a little shocked. "You can't mean to tell me that's how you fish. It's ridiculous! How many have you caught so far?"

"You're the fifth today!"

Ring the bell

Goku was passing a country estate and saw a sign on the gate. It read: "Please ring bell for the caretaker."

Goku reached for the door bell and rang it. An old man appeared.

"Are you the caretaker?" Goku asked naively.

"Yes, I am." the old man replied. "What do you want?"

"I'd just like to know why you can't ring the bell yourself."

Yaone's blue purse

"Dokugakuji," Yaone said. "Lirin-sama and I are going to the store. Please tell Kougaiji-sama when he comes back."

"Uh huh." Dokugakuji replied.

"Oh, bummer." Yaone said on the way out.

"What is it?" Lirin asked.

"Lirin-sama, can you do me a favor?"

"Okay."

"I want you to run to the house and get something for me." Yaone said. "I left my blue purse in the living room. I think it might be on the sofa."

Lirin ran into the house and to the living room. The blue purse was on the sofa, like Yaone said, but Lirin went rumaging the coushions and searched under the sofa.

"Lirin-sama, what are you looking for?" Dokugakuji asked.

"Yaone asked me to find her bloopers. Have you seen it?"

A cookbook written by Goku

...A few days ago...

"Guys, why do I always see bits of peanut butter and jam on the kitchen floor?" Hakkai asked.

"Don't look at me, I have no idea." Gojyo said.

"I don't eat peanut butter and jam." Sanzo said.

"It must be a mouse," Gojyo said. "Set up a mouse trap."

...Now...

Hakkai went into the kitchen to get a drink when he caught an eye on a paper stuck to the fridge. Curious, he went closer to look at it. Written on it was:

" 'My kookbook' You take bread but leave enogh for others and it can be tost or not. You take penat butter and put it thik on the bread. One side is enogh. Then comes the good part. The jam. And then you put the breads together and eat it. Then you wipe up the table and the floor and wash your hands and arms."

A Pet 'Meow'

A few days ago, Goku brought back a stray cat and intends to keep it, despite Sanzo's loud protests. Hakkai and Gojyo agrees to rare it... I mean, what can a cute little creature like that do any damage to the house, right? Right?...

... To Be Continued ...

A/N: Hmm... I just thought of making Jokes funnier by adding a cat into it. Nya ha! I myself can't imagine how it would affect Sanzo! Wanna know? Keep reading nya..! -

P.s. A message to I went through my fic a few days ago and I found that there were no question marks in Jokes 2 starting from The Button. I hope Fanfiction crews will do something about it, please. Otherwise it'll be hard for the readers. Thank you. Arigatou. -

Sincerely, Yuki127


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Saiyuki doesn't belong to me except the cat.

Last time on Jokes, Goku brought a cat into the house.

"No!" Sanzo bellowed. "It's bad enough having a monkey in the house! If the cat stays, Goku goes!"

"B-but, Sanzo." Goku stammered. "This kitty was abandoned."

"It's our neighbor, Mrs. Kamiya's cat." Hakkai explained. "She moved out three days ago and left her pet cat behind. I don't think she'll be coming back for her."

"Tch! Call the RSPCA!" Sanzo said, turning away. He felt sorry inside but… you get the idea.

"Come on Sanzo-sama." Gojyo said as he picked the mud-covered, skeletal creature. "A cute little kitty like her deserves a better home. She must be hungry, poor thing."

Sanzo turned to look at the cat, then back to his newspaper and sneezed. "Do whatever you want!"

I Need a Push

It's late at night, and raining. What could the Sanzo-ikkou be doing?

Goku and Sanzo were sleeping, (well, Sanzo's most likely trying to sleep without the cat, Micca, curled up at his feet and Goku snoring in the other room), Gojyo's watching the TV and Hakkai's folding the clothes.

All of a sudden, the doorbell rang.

"Gojyo, can you please answer the door?" Hakkai said.

"But," Gojyo stammered. He refused to do it, but the 'scary smile' on Hakkai's face changed his mind. "Oh, alright!" he said reluctantly, stood up and head for the door.

"Um… I need a push." A drunken man, standing on the doorstep said.

Frustrated, Gojyo slammed the door shut and resumed to his movie.

"Who's that?" Hakkai asked.

"Nah, just some irritating idiot asking me to give him a push." Gojyo said.

"Why don't you go and help him?" Hakkai said. "Remember last week when Hakuryuu broke down in the middle of the road and two men came to our aid?"

"Fine." Gojyo sighed and went over to the door again. "Oi, you out there! Do you still need a push?"

"Yes, please!" The man answered.

"Where are you?" Gojyo asked.

"Over here, on the swing!"

A Gunshot

**_Bang!Bang! _**

Sanzo woke up suddenly, confused and shocked. Who could be making such noise in the middle of the night? Could it be…?

Sanzo shoved his blanket away, reloaded his gun and padded downstairs into the darkness, heart pounding, sweat forming…

He reached the living room where the gunshot had come from. He turned the door handle, pushed open the door and cried.

"Turn that television down! I'm trying to sleep!"

Panda Eyes

It's the summer holiday, and since they've never been out for a while, the Sanzo-ikkou decided a trip to the zoo. But, poor Sanzo didn't get enough sleep last night. As a result, he ended up with two black, swollen eyes.

They were walking between a lane of different kinds of caged animals when they came across with a father and son.

The father was teaching the little boy about different kinds of animals and what they are called when suddenly, the boy pointed at Sanzo's face and cried excitedly.

"Look, Daddy! Panda bear!"

Shopping for Electrical Goods

"How about this?" Hakkai said, taking a good look at a vacuum cleaner. "It looks good. It'll definitely give the house a good cleaning."

Gojyo took one look at it and shook his head. "Nah, it won't do."

"Why not? Nothing seems wrong with it."

Gojyo pointed to an advertising board for the vacuum cleaner that says: Nothing sucks better than this!

Hakkai's Point of View: Wash and Dry

We've been to the shops lately and bought our first washing machine. It was semi-automatic and I was excited since our clothes are always hand washed.

The vendors had provided instructions, so I put in the clothes and soap powder and pressed 'Start'. When the machine stopped, I pressed 'Rinse'. And when that cycle stopped, I pressed 'Spin'. After the cycle finished, I pressed 'Open'- and found all my dirty washing covered in powder.

Well, they should have told me to turn on the tap!

The Heartbreaker

"It's over," Dokugakuji said, trying hard not to catch her eye. He knew how much this would hurt her, but he had to be honest.

"D-Dokugakuji?" Yaone stammered, forcing back her tears, covering her mouth with both hands. "Y-you…?"

Dokugakuji clenched his fists.

"I tried to make it work, I really did." He said. "I'm sorry."

Yaone felt her heart sink.

Again she'd missed her favourite program because the video recorder hadn't worked.

A letter to The Three Aspects

Goku wanted to know what it's like to have ten thousand yen. He wouldn't shut up about it, so Hakkai told him to pray to the Three Aspects in order to have it.

Of course, Goku was so naïve, he did what he was told.

He prayed for it for a week, but nothing turns up. So he decided to write to Them, requesting for ten thousand yen.

Goku then handed Hakkai the letter and told him it was for the Gods. Sanzo, Gojyo and Hakkai, felt so touched, they decided to give Goku two thousand yen.

Goku was delighted with the money, and immediately sat down to write a thank you letter.

"Dear Aspects,

Thank you very much for the money. I noticed you had to send it through Gokiburi Kappa, Droopy-eyed Sanzo and Creepy-smiley Hakkai. As usual, those thieving gits went and deducted eight thousand in tax."

Author's Note: Dear, dear. I'm so sorry for not posting up my stories for a very long time! And the only excuse I can give is… "I haven't got the time." Anyway, I hope all you wonderful readers will continue reading and all you fans will stay as FANS! Haahaahaaa...! Chiow!


End file.
